


The Lies We Tell Ourselves

by AlexandraHamilfan (SilverMillennium_QueenNeptune)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Friends to Lovers, Gay Male Character, Hidden Feelings, Multi, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory Negotiations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 04:22:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20383603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMillennium_QueenNeptune/pseuds/AlexandraHamilfan
Summary: Jonathan Groff has been secretly pining for Lin-Manuel Miranda for years. The entire cast of Hamilton knows it, and everyone sees it but Lin. Jon tells himself that Lin's off-limits, that he can't be with him. Lin still adores Vanessa, but he's in love with Jon, the one man he's certain he can't have.  Javier knows it all, and he's fed up with their bullshit.





	The Lies We Tell Ourselves

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nick_carragay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nick_carragay/gifts).

Sometimes love comes to us from the most unexpected places. You can find love when you're not looking for it. That was exactly what had happened to Lin-Manuel Miranda and his _Hamilton _co-star, Jonathan Groff. 

When they'd met, neither of them had expected the turn their friendship would take. Lin was happily dating, and Groff was focused on his career, starring alongside his friend Lea Michele in _Spring Awakening. _If you'd told Jon then that Lin was bisexual, there was a 50-50 chance he'd have either believed you or laughed you out of the theatre. After all, what about Lin would give anyone that impression?

Vanessa, of course, knew Lin's (mostly) secret struggle with his sexual identity. She knew he could be just as happy with a man as he was with her. But she often wondered if perhaps he frightened men off by trying too hard for his own good. She'd never discuss such things with him. He was sensitive, and the last thing she wanted was to fight with him or hurt him. They loved each other deeply, but she was well aware of the glances he stole at other men, mainly when he thought no one else was looking. To top it all, his focus seemed to be on _one_ man. Jon was exactly Lin's type. Handsome, witty, sharp, classic leading man material. Vanessa noticed that when Jon walked into a room, Lin's focus zeroed on him. 

* * *

Jon's feelings were a little more obvious. When Lin walked into a room, he instantly became a flirt. He was chatty, clingy and desperate for Lin's attention. Lin often returned the behavior, keeping Jon placated for the moment while he dreamed about what it would be like to be more than friends with the talented rapper and actor. He didn't dare make a move. If he did, the gossip sites would have a field day. 

Somehow, though, Lin managed to sneak things in. A flirtatious comment, the kind of thing he seemed to be very, very good at. "Innocent" kisses that left Jon soaring for the rest of the day. Still, when he began to hear talk that Vanessa knew, and was planning on letting Lin-Manuel go so he could be happy, he didn't let himself celebrate. It couldn't be true. It wouldn't happen. Vanessa adored Lin, and he loved her. He wasn't gay. But Jon could dream. So he vented to Lea, and Lin vented to Javier, and they dreamed of being together. They began to believe the lie that it would never be real.

Then, a fateful day changed everything. Lea and Javier both decided they had enough of their friends' constant ranting. Vanessa had a talk with Lin, a long one, where she told him she knew all of his feelings. She agreed to stay with him but insisted that privately, he should be happy. Jon was the person who made him happy. Javier tried to convince Lin that it was time to take a chance. 

"But what do I do if he says 'no.', Lea?"

"Javi, you have to be kidding. The man's out of my league. What makes you think he would _ever _ say 'yes' to a date with me?" The questions that had been burning in their minds and hearts were out in the open now. Perhaps it was better this way. If they made headlines, they could address the issue of their relationship with little fear. Lea was kind enough to admit that Lin's refusal was a risk Jon had to take if he wanted any chance at being with him and being happy. 

"Trust me, honey, there's something between you two. Just go for it and see where it leads. You'll regret it if you don't.", Javi advised, and Lin knew he was being serious. He also knew he was right. The truth was that Javi had offered to lock them in a room together and see what happened, an offer Lin had shot down while blushing wildly at the very thought of being alone with Groff like that.

So, with Vanessa's blessing, Lin invited Jon for coffee one afternoon after rehearsal. His hands were shaking when Jon appeared, casually dressed, his eyes sparkling the way they always did when they met Lin's.

"Listen, Jon. I think you need to know I invited you here because I want to talk about our friendship."

"Okay. Linguini, you're scaring me. You never call me by name." There was a sigh, a pause. Lin licked his bottom lip, and Jon had to will his heart not to beat out of his chest. All he wanted was to embrace Lin and kiss those lips. But he didn't want to scare the playwright either.

"I-I'm sorry, Groffsauce. It's just. . . well . . ."

"Yeah? You know you can tell me anything, right, Lin?" He smiled at the nod that followed the question. Of course, Lin knew, they were friends, he trusted him.

"Look, I think I-- I think we're-- Oh fuck it, I'm just gonna come out and say it. The lies we tell ourselves aren't worth it, Groffsauce. I'm in love with you. I'm still in love with my wife, but I'm in love with you too."

"Why, Lin-Manuel Miranda, just _what _kind of an indecent proposal is this? Are you asking me to. . .?"

". . . have an affair with me? Um. . . I . . . maybe? Sort of. Vanessa knows and she's okay with us. . . so it isn't really like that. But, yes, I am asking you to be my lover." Jon whistled as he sat back in his chair.

"Me. You want me to be your lover? How would this work, exactly?"

"I'm tired of telling myself lies and pretending, Jon. I'd be with you whenever I wanted, but I'd still be married to Vanessa. As selfish as it sounds. . ."

"You still love her. And even if you didn't, you need her to keep up appearances. So you'd be sleeping with us both, then? Like an open relationship."

"It sounded sexier as an affair, but yeah. More or less. I want you both. But I don't want you both tied to each other." Jon laughed. Only a man with Lin's mind would think an affair sounded sexy, but he had to admit there was a certain charm in the idea and he could see why Lin wouldn't want to leave his wife. Suddenly, sharing made a lot more sense.

"You thought you could avoid this, huh? How?" Lin shrugged. 

"I dunno, Groffsauce. The lies we tell ourselves. I-if you don't want to do it I understand." Jon froze at that statement. Of course, he wanted to be with Lin. He'd wanted this for a long time. 

"I'll do it. On several conditions."

"Name them."

"One, your wife has to know _everything_, in detail-- well, as much detail as she wants. Two, we play this smart and safe. Protection and regular testing."

"Javi would kill us if we didn't. Deal. Continue?"

"If we're ever uncomfortable, we end it and part as friends."

"Done." Jon smiled. He knew Lin would agree to his terms. But what mattered more was that he no longer had to lie to himself about how he felt. He was in love with one of his best friends, and it was the greatest feeling in the world. The best part was that his adventures with Lin were only beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! If you enjoyed this work, come yell at me on my [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/fanficismyescape/) or[ Dreamwidth](https://writingismyescape.dreamwidth.org/) blogs. Also, I'm running a prompt meme, so please come [prompt me!](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/PromptMemePlotBunnies/)


End file.
